You track your fitness, your finances, your sleep. But how do you know if your relationship is healthy? This guide shows you what to measure and why awareness creates stronger partnerships.
Last updated: January 2026
Adults (18+) only. Based on relationship research and practical experience.
Most couples don't realize they're drifting until they've drifted far. Weeks turn into months of routine. You're both busy. Life happens. One day you look up and realize you haven't had a real conversation in a while.
Tracking isn't about scoring your relationship. It's about creating awareness. When you know it's been two weeks since a date night, you schedule one. When you notice you've been more critical than appreciative, you course-correct.
Think of it like checking your bank balance. You don't do it to stress yourself out. You do it so you know where you stand and can make adjustments before problems become crises.
The goal is simple: notice patterns before they become problems, and celebrate what's working.
What it is: Focused, undistracted time spent together. Not parallel screen time. Not logistics discussions. Actual connection.
What to track:
Healthy benchmarks:
Warning sign: If you can't remember your last real conversation or date, that's data worth noticing.
What it is: Both physical intimacy (sex, touch, affection) and emotional intimacy (vulnerability, sharing, connection).
What to track:
Healthy benchmarks:
Key insight: A sudden drop in intimacy often signals something else is off. Use it as a prompt to check in, not a problem in itself.
What it is: Based on Dr. John Gottman's research, healthy couples have at least five positive interactions for every negative one.
Positive interactions include:
Negative interactions include:
How to track: Notice the balance. If you're mostly complaining and rarely appreciating, that's actionable information.
What it is: How quickly you repair after disagreements. All couples fight. Healthy couples recover.
What to track:
Healthy patterns:
Warning sign: If recovery time is getting longer, or if one partner always has to apologize first, pay attention.
What it is: How often you verbalize gratitude, notice what your partner does, and make them feel valued.
What to track:
Why it matters:
Simple practice: Tell your partner one thing you appreciate about them every day. Make it specific.
What it is: How often you actually ask how your partner is doing, and listen to the answer.
What to track:
Healthy benchmarks:
Test: Could you name three things your partner is currently worried about or excited about? If not, time for a check-in.
The goal is awareness, not obsessive measurement. Here's how to track naturally.
Weekly check-in:
Use an app or journal:
Mental check-ins:
Pro tip: If tracking feels like a chore, simplify. Even just noticing one metric (like quality time) is better than tracking nothing.
Tracking is only useful if you act on what you learn. Here's how to interpret patterns.
Declining quality time:
Declining intimacy:
Negative ratio:
Longer conflict recovery:
Couples Flirt includes relationship health tools that help you stay connected, track intimacy, and maintain awareness of your partnership.
Adults (18+) only. Private by design.
Key relationship metrics include: quality time spent together, intimacy frequency and satisfaction, communication patterns (positive vs. negative interactions), conflict resolution time, appreciation expressed, emotional check-ins, and shared activities. The goal is awareness, not obsessive measurement.
Weekly brief check-ins work well for most couples, with deeper monthly conversations. Daily micro-check-ins (asking how your partner is feeling) maintain connection. The key is consistency rather than frequency.
The 5:1 ratio, from Dr. John Gottman's research, suggests healthy relationships have at least five positive interactions for every negative one. This includes moments of connection, appreciation, affection, and humor balanced against criticism, defensiveness, or conflict.
It can if approached wrong. The goal isn't to reduce love to numbers but to create awareness and prevent drift. Think of it like knowing when you last went on a date, not scoring your partner's performance. Awareness leads to intentional action.
Signs include: consistent quality time, physical affection, open communication, effective conflict resolution, mutual respect, shared laughter, support during stress, maintained individuality, and feeling like a team. Healthy relationships feel safe, connected, and growth-oriented.
Emotional connection can be gauged by: how often you share feelings, whether you feel understood, if you turn toward each other during stress, the depth of your conversations, and whether you know what's currently on your partner's mind. Regular check-ins help measure this.
We're building Couples Flirt to help committed partners stay connected, with relationship tools, prompts, and tracking built in.
Adults (18+) only. Private by design.