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Guide: conversation starters for couples

100+ questions to ask your partner.

Skip "how was your day?" and start conversations that actually matter. Questions for every mood: fun, deep, romantic, spicy, and everything in between.

Written by the Couples Flirt team, a real couple building tools to help partners stay connected.

Last updated: January 2026

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Adults (18+) only. Organized by category so you can find the right questions for your mood.

TL;DR: Best Questions to Ask Your Partner

Top questions to ask your partner:

  • "What's something you've been thinking about lately?"
  • "When do you feel most loved by me?"
  • "What's a dream you haven't told me about?"
  • "What do you need more of from me?"
  • "What's something you wish I understood better?"
  • "What's your favorite memory of us?"

For deeper connection, ask open-ended questions that invite vulnerability, listen without interrupting, and share your own answers. The best conversations happen when both people feel safe being honest.

Why the right questions matter

The science

Psychologist Arthur Aron's famous study found that asking progressively deeper questions can create closeness between strangers in under an hour. The same principle works even better for couples who already have a foundation.

The problem? Most couples stop asking interesting questions after the first few months. Conversations become logistics: who's picking up groceries, what's for dinner, did you pay that bill.

These questions help you break out of that pattern. Use them on date nights, road trips, lazy Sunday mornings, or whenever you want to actually connect.

Jump to a category

Getting Started Deep Questions Fun & Playful Romantic Future & Dreams Past & Memories About Us Spicy (18+) Daily Check-ins

The Questions

Getting Started (Easy Warmups)

Start here

Low-pressure questions to ease into real conversation.

  1. What's something that made you smile today?
  2. What's been on your mind lately?
  3. What are you looking forward to this week?
  4. What's the best thing that happened to you recently?
  5. If you could do anything tomorrow with no obligations, what would you do?
  6. What's something small that always makes your day better?
  7. What song have you had stuck in your head?
  8. What's something you're proud of that you don't talk about much?

Deep Questions (For Real Connection)

Go deeper

Questions that invite vulnerability and deeper understanding.

  1. What's something you've never told anyone?
  2. What's your biggest fear about our relationship?
  3. When do you feel most like yourself?
  4. What's something you wish I understood better about you?
  5. What would you change about how you were raised?
  6. What's a dream you've given up on that you wish you hadn't?
  7. What do you need more of from me?
  8. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to do?
  9. What's something you're still trying to figure out about yourself?
  10. When did you last cry, and what was it about?
  11. What's something you've been afraid to tell me?
  12. If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?
  13. What does "home" mean to you?
  14. What's a belief you held strongly that you've changed your mind about?

Fun & Playful Questions

Light & fun

Keep things light and learn something new.

  1. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you?
  2. If you could have dinner with anyone (living or dead), who would it be?
  3. What's a skill you wish you had?
  4. What's your guilty pleasure that you're not actually guilty about?
  5. If you won the lottery tomorrow, what's the first thing you'd do?
  6. What's the weirdest thing you believed as a kid?
  7. What's your unpopular opinion that you'll defend to the death?
  8. If you could live in any fictional world, which one?
  9. What's something you're terrible at but love doing anyway?
  10. What would your perfect lazy day look like?
  11. If you could instantly become an expert in something, what would you choose?
  12. What's the best meal you've ever had?
  13. What's something that always makes you laugh, no matter what?
  14. If you could relive one day of your life, which would you pick?

Romantic Questions

Sweet

Questions that bring you closer and remind you why you're together.

  1. What was your first impression of me?
  2. When did you know you were falling for me?
  3. What's your favorite memory of us?
  4. What's something I do that makes you feel loved?
  5. What do you love most about our relationship?
  6. When do you feel most connected to me?
  7. What's something you've learned about love from being with me?
  8. What's a small moment between us that you treasure?
  9. What do you find attractive about me that I might not know?
  10. How has our relationship changed you?
  11. What's something you want us to do together that we haven't yet?
  12. What makes you feel safe with me?
  13. What's the best thing about coming home to me?
  14. If you could describe our love in one word, what would it be?

Future & Dreams

Looking ahead

Explore your hopes, goals, and the life you're building together.

  1. Where do you see us in 5 years? 10 years?
  2. What's on your bucket list that you haven't done yet?
  3. What does your ideal retirement look like?
  4. If we could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
  5. What's a goal you're working toward right now?
  6. What kind of old couple do you want us to be?
  7. What's something you want to learn in the next year?
  8. If money wasn't an issue, how would you spend your days?
  9. What legacy do you want to leave behind?
  10. What's something you've always wanted to try together?
  11. What traditions do you want us to have?
  12. What's a fear about the future you haven't shared with me?

Past & Memories

Looking back

Understand where they come from and what shaped them.

  1. What was your childhood like?
  2. What's your happiest childhood memory?
  3. Who had the biggest influence on who you've become?
  4. What's something from your past that still affects you today?
  5. What's a mistake you learned the most from?
  6. What were you like in high school?
  7. What's a moment that changed the direction of your life?
  8. What's something you wish you could tell your younger self?
  9. What's a relationship (family, friend, ex) that taught you something important?
  10. What's a tradition from your family you want to continue? Or break?

About Us (Relationship Check-ins)

Important

Questions to make sure you're both on the same page.

  1. What do you think our biggest strength as a couple is?
  2. What's something you wish we did more of together?
  3. Is there anything you've been wanting to talk about but haven't?
  4. How do you feel about how we handle conflict?
  5. What's one thing I could do to make you feel more supported?
  6. Do you feel like we have enough quality time together?
  7. What's something you appreciate about me that you don't say often enough?
  8. Is there anything I do that bothers you that we haven't addressed?
  9. How satisfied are you with our communication?
  10. What's something we used to do that you miss?
  11. What's one thing that would make our relationship even better?
  12. How can I show up better for you?

Spicy Questions (Adults 18+ Only)

18+

For when you want to turn up the heat. Consent and comfort first.

  1. What's something you've always wanted to try but never asked for?
  2. What do I do that drives you wild?
  3. What's your favorite memory of us together intimately?
  4. Is there something you wish we did more of?
  5. What's a fantasy you haven't shared with me?
  6. What puts you in the mood?
  7. Where's somewhere unexpected you'd want to be with me?
  8. What's something I could say that would turn you on?
  9. How do you like to be touched?
  10. What's the best way for me to initiate?
  11. Is there anything you want to explore together?
  12. What makes you feel desired?

Daily Check-in Questions

Everyday

Simple questions for staying connected every day.

  1. What was the high and low of your day?
  2. What do you need from me today?
  3. What are you grateful for right now?
  4. Is there anything on your mind you want to share?
  5. How are you feeling about this week?
  6. What's one thing I can do to make your day easier?
  7. What's something good that happened today?
  8. How can I support you tomorrow?

How to use these questions

Tips
  1. Pick the right moment. Not when they just walked in the door or are falling asleep. Date nights, car rides, and lazy mornings work well.
  2. Start light, go deeper gradually. Don't jump straight to "what's your biggest fear?" Start with fun questions and ease into heavier ones.
  3. Answer your own questions too. This isn't an interview. Share your answers. Vulnerability goes both ways.
  4. Listen more than you talk. The point is to understand them, not to prepare your next comment.
  5. Don't force it. If they're not in the mood for deep talk, that's okay. Try again another time.
  6. No judgment. Whatever they share, receive it with openness. The goal is connection, not critique.

Want new questions every day?

Couples Flirt includes hundreds of conversation prompts that adapt to your mood, from lighthearted to deeply intimate.

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FAQ

What are good deep questions to ask your partner?

Good deep questions include: What's something you've never told anyone? What's your biggest fear about our relationship? What do you need more of from me? When do you feel most loved? What's a dream you've given up on that you wish you hadn't? What would you change about how you were raised? These questions invite vulnerability and deeper understanding.

What questions build intimacy in a relationship?

Questions that build intimacy include: What makes you feel most connected to me? What's something I do that makes you feel loved? What's a memory of us that you treasure? What do you wish I understood better about you? When do you feel safest with me? What's something you've been afraid to tell me? The key is questions that invite emotional honesty and vulnerability.

What are the 36 questions to fall in love?

The 36 questions that fall in love come from psychologist Arthur Aron's 1997 study. They escalate from light topics ("Would you like to be famous?") to deeply personal ones ("When did you last cry in front of another person?"). The study found that mutual vulnerability through these questions can accelerate intimacy between strangers, and deepen connection between existing couples.

What should I ask my boyfriend or girlfriend?

Ask questions that go beyond small talk: What's something you're proud of that you don't talk about? What does your ideal day look like? What's something you wish more people asked you about? What's been on your mind lately? What's a goal you're working toward? What's something that always makes you laugh? Mix fun questions with deeper ones to keep conversations balanced.

How do I start a deep conversation with my partner?

Start with timing and context. Don't ask when they're tired or stressed. Begin with an open-ended question like "What's been on your mind lately?" or "Is there anything you wish we talked about more?" Avoid yes/no questions. Listen without interrupting. Share your own answer too. Don't force it. Sometimes the best conversations happen naturally when you create space for them.

How often should couples have deep conversations?

There's no magic number, but research suggests couples who regularly discuss meaningful topics (beyond logistics) report higher satisfaction. Aim for at least one real conversation per week, whether that's during a date night, a walk, or before bed. Daily check-ins (even just 5 minutes of "how are you really?") also help maintain connection.

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